I’ve been thinking on this question for a week now. My friend’s boyfriend tried to claim on Facebook that the concept of the “Friendzone” is very different for men and women. Basically, he was trying to say that being rejected by someone you’re attracted to because they only think of you as a friend is something that primarily hurts men and it definitely hurts them worse than women… which is why it’s okay for them to whine and moan about it constantly.
Obviously being rejected hurts no matter who you are and it doesn’t really matter what the reason is (though I would say some reasons might cause more damage than others) so I immediately exclaimed “Poppycock! That is a load of shit.”
Then I realized he had a point.
Now, I’m not saying that men actually feel more pain because of rejection. This is not the case, surely. However, our reactions to this pain are vastly different and I think I stumbled on the reasons why:
1. Women are taught by society to blame themselves for pretty much everything. If a guy doesn’t like them it’s because they were too forward, not forward enough; it’s because they’re too fat or their boobs are too small; basically, it’s because they’re not as good as that other girl and/or they’re not worthy of the object of their affections. This is how they sell women beauty product after beauty product, after all! Women are responsible for their rejections.
2. Men, on the other hand, are taught by society that if they do enough “good stuff” they will win “the woman” eventually. They aren’t taught to think that maybe it was because they were too passive aggressive or too creepy; or because their hairline is receding or they have a beer gut now that they’re not a teenager anymore; or that they’re just not as good as the other boy and/or they’re not worthy of the object of their affections. No. If they don’t get the girl in the end then something is obviously wrong with the system. The woman broke the rule. The woman is responsible for the rejection they received, not them, and that is why they get so angry about it.
I’m sure I’m not the first one to come to this conclusion but there it is. It’s that simple and it’s that infuriating! Now what?
1. Women, getting rejected is not always through some fault of yours. Sometimes they just aren’t attracted to you and blaming yourself for that is not fair to you. You are great just as you are and trying to change parts of yourself in hopes of catching that one guy is not going to make you happier in the long run.
2. Men, getting rejected is not always the fault of some evil conniving woman trying to shatter your heart into a million tiny pieces. Sometimes they just aren’t attracted to you and getting angry/blaming the woman for it is not fair to them. You are not owed a prize woman for your good deeds. Get over it.